Just an old lady's thoughts

Before I start this (one sided) conversation that we (me just talking to myself but doing it here so that you are forced to participate) are about to have, I'd like to state that the things I am going to say do not pertain to the youth of today in general (at least I hope they don't) but are, in fact, based on people I actually know.


I've noticed that there is a lot of unprotected sex going on these days. That's scary. Did we as adults not learn anything from our youth and the sometimes deadly diseases that are out there or did we just not think it was important to pass that information on to the younger generations? We should be teaching our children to value themselves and their bodies.

And what's with the attitudes? They act like they are so much better than everyone else. And God forbid you should ask them to do something a certain way. That is just unacceptable in their eyes. Do it and get ready to suffer the wrath. They can destroy the world in one look. Since when did it become acceptable to act so hateful in public? I'm not saying I'm perfect. Far from it. But 99% of the time I try to keep my attitude in check and only have my fits at home. Well....maybe 98% of time...I do have my moments.

Now let's talk about rules. Adults (most of them that I know) generally follow rules pretty well. Teens and twenty-somethings are a different story. It's like they don't believe the rules pertain to them. Have I just reached an age that I have resigned myself to being a rule follower and don't understand (or remember) being young and breaking the rules? No, I don't think that's it. I think that most of the people I know just truly don't care. They care about what they want. What makes them happy. Nothing else.

Which brings me to my next complaint: They have no consideration of other people. Did what you say hurt someone's feelings? Oh well, no big deal because I was just stating my opinion. If you don't like it then too bad. Did you inconvenience somebody by doing something? Oh well, no big deal because I did what I wanted and that made me happy. You should have been selfish too and done what you wanted instead of worrying about other people. 

*sighs* I could just go on and on but what's the point? We created these people. We are to blame. At least I know that my children aren't always guilty of these things. Not that they're perfect either. They've made their mistakes. They've had their moments too. But I'm proud to say that they learn from their mistakes. That they show respect to people and try not to be selfish. Most the time. 

My Thanksgiving story

I have been neglecting you faithful friends and I'm sorry for that. I truly have no excuses as to why I've hidden from my writer. I've known she was awake for a while now but I've just closed the curtains, pulled up the covers, and slept.

I have been quite ill (still not a valid reason for ignoring you) and have drifted through the days which have turned into months and then into years. Recently though, I awoke at the grocery store and that is the story that I wish to tell you.

I was doing my Thanksgiving dinner shopping along with every other member of Pittsburg County and the three surrounding counties. The aisles were packed full of people and shopping carts. Arms reaching up and over and past each other, trying to get the last can of French Fried Onions before someone else could. I shook my head several times in disbelief but continued to make my way through the sea of people, quietly gathering the items on my list.

I turned onto the baking aisle, noting that it was clearly the busiest aisle in the store. There was a lady in a wheelchair who appeared quite lost and tired. I heard her ask a lady about my age if she knew where the baking powder was. The lady replied without looking at the questioner, "Yeah, about halfway up this aisle." She then turned her glance on the woman and with wide eyes that could only express hatefulness said "on the top shelf" and turned back away.

With some effort, the lady in the wheelchair attempted to get herself turned around but wasn't having much luck because of the number of people standing there. I touched her on the shoulder and asked her if there was a particular brand. She quietly said "the one with the little girl on it but please don't trouble yourself." "Nonsense," I replied. "You wait right here." I made my way down the aisle, retrieved the baking powder that she wanted and was heading back when I saw the lady that had been so rude earlier. I smiled my biggest smile at her and kept walking.

When I finally managed to make my way through the crowd and give the lady her baking powder, she was so visibly grateful for my help that it made my heart swell. That night when I prayed, I thanked God for still allowing me the use of my legs. I also prayed that the lady I helped had a wonderful Thanksgiving with her family and, in a moment of humbleness and understanding, I prayed that the lady who could not be bothered to help a fellow human being had the same as well.

Some comic relief

I know I've been all serious and stuff over the past few days. Here's a little something to lighten the mood. I know it made me smile...

What is a writer?

What is a writer?



I'll start off by saying that I very much meant to phrase that question the way I did. I find it more fitting to ask what a writer is instead of who a writer is. I believe a writer is made up of many facets. There are many things I draw from when I am writing.

Past experiences, future hopes, people, places, smells...they all add to whatever message it is that I am trying to convey when I sit down to my laptop. I have been blessed (and cursed) with a memory that rarely fails me. Because of that my posts generally start out in one place and end somewhere totally different. Not always, but in general. I tend to wander a lot.

I find it very insulting when people treat my writings as homework. As a way to learn things about me or because they think it will get them a foot in the door with me. Well, that's a little bit of a misstatement. I want people to learn things about me. To know what I like and don't like. But I don't like people to just scan my work so that they can act like they read it when they really didn't. They miss the whole message by doing that.

And I feel like I have a lot of messages to share. That my trials and tribulations and the way I handled them and rose above them could actually help somebody else get to where I am now. That perhaps my negative could help provide their positive. That's my hope any way. That I will make a difference to somebody, somewhere.

In my minds eye, I keep that hope wrapped gently in tissue paper and nestled into a small, golden box that is put away in my heart. There it will stay forever, safe and secure, only being brought out during times of sadness or loss. That's when we need what is kept in our hearts the most and so that is when I allow it to come out and hold me up.

So back to my original question: What is a writer? A writer is a storyteller. A dreamer. A creator. A simple person with a complex mind that wants to help people in any way they can, even if it's just to distract them from their every day existence. In the simplest of terms, a writer is hope.

Hello Strangers

As I age, my mind tends to drift more towards the fact that this ride won't last forever and less towards things I have to do. Over the past 7 1/2 months (since my 47th Birthday), my mind has taken me to that dark place so many times that I've lost count.

I've come to a few conclusions thanks to these travels.

First and foremost, I've decided that all I want to do is be happy. Actually, everything leads back to that specific thought. Happiness: My only desire.

Yes, I have a responsible side. I have a job. I pay my bills. I'm a good little soldier and do what I'm supposed to do when I'm supposed to do it. But I won't let that consume my life. A friend of mine said to me "We work to live not live to work." and I hang on to that statement and repeat it to myself like a mantra when things start to dig their way into my mind. And trust me, it doesn't take much digging to get in there. There are lots of side roads and back roads and alleys to slip in through and even though I've built lots of walls and fences, things still slip through all the time. I'm far from perfect.

I've always had this idea in my head that once I turned 50, I would be where I wanted to be, doing what I wanted to do. That day is fast approaching and honestly, I have no idea where I want to be or what I want to do.

Several years ago I was right where I wanted to be, doing what I wanted to do and I thought that was it. I had found my place. But then my husband died and my world crashed in around me. I've wandered around lost since that time. Finding pieces of myself here and there along the way. I've slowly built myself back up.

This may sound totally selfish to some of you, but right now I can't let other peoples drama or issues affect my life. Right now, it's about me. Kathy. Because honestly, Kathy is the only one who does anything for me. Kathy is who is important.

Not that I don't love my people. My people are awesome. I love them all very much. I couldn't imagine my life without them. They fit me. We are family (and not necessarily by blood). We are a tribe. But the size of my tribe is small and getting smaller all the time. You are only as good as the members of your tribe and if those members are spewing negativity then that will poison your tribe. That poison will spread from person to person until nothing is left except the bad.

So slowly I've been ridding my tribe of negative people and negative situations. My general attitude has been that if it doesn't make me happy then I need to just walk away. Some ties are harder to walk away from than others. Some will take more time to completely cut but eventually, maybe by that 50 year mark, I'll get it done. That's my goal any way.

I'm not going to tell you that you'll see me here more. We've seen what happens when I say that (I post for a week or two and then disappear for 4 months). But maybe, just maybe, I'll be around. Peace and love people. Peace and love.