Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Some comic relief

I know I've been all serious and stuff over the past few days. Here's a little something to lighten the mood. I know it made me smile...

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Tuesday, March 10, 2015

What is a writer?

What is a writer?

I'll start off by saying that I very much meant to phrase that question the way I did. I find it more fitting to ask what a writer is instead of who a writer is. I believe a writer is made up of many facets. There are many things I draw from when I am writing.

Past experiences, future hopes, people, places, smells...they all add to whatever message it is that I am trying to convey when I sit down to my laptop. I have been blessed (and cursed) with a memory that rarely fails me. Because of that my posts generally start out in one place and end somewhere totally different. Not always, but in general. I tend to wander a lot.

I find it very insulting when people treat my writings as homework. As a way to learn things about me or because they think it will get them a foot in the door with me. Well, that's a little bit of a misstatement. I want people to learn things about me. To know what I like and don't like. But I don't like people to just scan my work so that they can act like they read it when they really didn't. They miss the whole message by doing that.

And I feel like I have a lot of messages to share. That my trials and tribulations and the way I handled them and rose above them could actually help somebody else get to where I am now. That perhaps my negative could help provide their positive. That's my hope any way. That I will make a difference to somebody, somewhere.

In my minds eye, I keep that hope wrapped gently in tissue paper and nestled into a small, golden box that is put away in my heart. There it will stay forever, safe and secure, only being brought out during times of sadness or loss. That's when we need what is kept in our hearts the most and so that is when I allow it to come out and hold me up.

So back to my original question: What is a writer? A writer is a storyteller. A dreamer. A creator. A simple person with a complex mind that wants to help people in any way they can, even if it's just to distract them from their every day existence. In the simplest of terms, a writer is hope.

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Monday, March 9, 2015

Hello Strangers

As I age, my mind tends to drift more towards the fact that this ride won't last forever and less towards things I have to do. Over the past 7 1/2 months (since my 47th Birthday), my mind has taken me to that dark place so many times that I've lost count.

I've come to a few conclusions thanks to these travels.

First and foremost, I've decided that all I want to do is be happy. Actually, everything leads back to that specific thought. Happiness: My only desire.

Yes, I have a responsible side. I have a job. I pay my bills. I'm a good little soldier and do what I'm supposed to do when I'm supposed to do it. But I won't let that consume my life. A friend of mine said to me "We work to live not live to work." and I hang on to that statement and repeat it to myself like a mantra when things start to dig their way into my mind. And trust me, it doesn't take much digging to get in there. There are lots of side roads and back roads and alleys to slip in through and even though I've built lots of walls and fences, things still slip through all the time. I'm far from perfect.

I've always had this idea in my head that once I turned 50, I would be where I wanted to be, doing what I wanted to do. That day is fast approaching and honestly, I have no idea where I want to be or what I want to do.

Several years ago I was right where I wanted to be, doing what I wanted to do and I thought that was it. I had found my place. But then my husband died and my world crashed in around me. I've wandered around lost since that time. Finding pieces of myself here and there along the way. I've slowly built myself back up.

This may sound totally selfish to some of you, but right now I can't let other peoples drama or issues affect my life. Right now, it's about me. Kathy. Because honestly, Kathy is the only one who does anything for me. Kathy is who is important.

Not that I don't love my people. My people are awesome. I love them all very much. I couldn't imagine my life without them. They fit me. We are family (and not necessarily by blood). We are a tribe. But the size of my tribe is small and getting smaller all the time. You are only as good as the members of your tribe and if those members are spewing negativity then that will poison your tribe. That poison will spread from person to person until nothing is left except the bad.

So slowly I've been ridding my tribe of negative people and negative situations. My general attitude has been that if it doesn't make me happy then I need to just walk away. Some ties are harder to walk away from than others. Some will take more time to completely cut but eventually, maybe by that 50 year mark, I'll get it done. That's my goal any way.

I'm not going to tell you that you'll see me here more. We've seen what happens when I say that (I post for a week or two and then disappear for 4 months). But maybe, just maybe, I'll be around. Peace and love people. Peace and love.

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